After my brother Glenn died in 2008, I refused to move forward on my life journey. Glenn and I had a longstanding promise to each other that when we were old, we would be sitting side by side on a porch swing or in rocking chairs somewhere telling stories about our lives. This scene was vivid in my mind and when life challenges came, I soothed myself by imagining this beautiful future that would come when I was an old woman.
I knew that my dream (vision) would come true because everyone in my family lived to old age. No one died at sixty-two. Glenn did.
I didn’t have the capacity to move forward because some part of me knew that if I did, my long-held belief and expectation about the future would have to die. I didn’t know how to live without this dream for my life that had gotten me through so many tough times.
Only when I was able to embrace the beauty and wonder of this dream and the security its promised fulfillment had provided me for over half a century was I able to open a space for something new in my life. In the embrace of this dream I was able to see and understand the pattern of expectation imprinted deeply within me. Only when I was able to fully acknowledge my disappointment in what life brought instead of the beautiful dream that I expected was I able to move forward and create a new life.
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